Nothing Can Separate Us

From the love of God. Over the past long, arduous three months, I have longed to feel the love of God on a minute by minute basis. Sometimes my pain is so great that I think I am uncapable of any other feeling. I have rarely in my life felt emotional pain that hurt so badly that you actually feel it in your body. The death of my "auntie Lil" when I was thirteen years old gave me my first taste of that kind of sadness. But since then it has been rare. In some of my times of sadness over the last few months, I would cry out to God to take this pain away from me, being too much for me to handle in any given moment. And I'll tell you, it scares me that we are capable of such feelings. People have asked me if God has been a comfort to me during this time. I have replied that without God, I could not have survived, and that is true. I have testified to non-believers at school that without the hope that I have in God who is in control of all and promises eternal life with Him, that I couldn't go on. But to my Christian friends, I have said that the comfort from God is still in my head, not my heart. I have still felt very jealous of those all around me who have been blessed with healthy children, or are carrying to term their healthy babies. I continue to ask God how He could allow this to happen to me and what good any of this will do. I continue to feel deep pain. Don't get me wrong, the head part of me knows that God has been by me every step of the way, guiding my path, keeping me alive, and giving me everything that I need. But sometimes it is hard to let any other feelings into the heart.

This morning I was struck by a verse I have read even in the past month, but hadn't noticed this. Try to read it like you are reading it for the first time (Romans 8:35,37-39):

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or danger or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nothing will be able to separate us. Nothing. That is what struck me. I have always read this verse as related somewhat to salvation. Once saved, always saved, right? Yeah, but I think there is more. It's talking about the love of God. When Paul talks about "death" we usually think of our own death. Death will not separate us from God if we are His children. But I thought of it in a different way this time. Even the death of my daughter, unforeseen by me, more painful than imagineable, even that, cannot separate me from receiving God's love. Even that pain which can seem to take up all the available space in my soul cannot push the love of God out. Why does Paul say that "in all these things we are more than conquerors?" It is a battle. The sin that entered the world through Adam has permeated human life and has allowed pain to exist. But through the death of Jesus on the cross, He has made it possible to overcome sin, and He has made us conquerors over the darkness. I know that He is fighting for my heart, and I know that even this death will not separate my soul from His love.

Our team leader, Stephen, sent us a blog post from John Piper last night. If you don't know John Piper, he is a pastor and author, a great man of God who's vision and writings have greatly affected this generation in godliness and missions. His son and daughter-in-law were due with a little girl this past Sunday (the 23rd). Like me, she went in for a check-up on Saturday after not feeling the baby move, and found out the same horrible news that we did three months ago. I appreciated Piper's words at the end of his post; while not profound, I found them to be poignant and somehow comforting:

"Noel and I lay in bed at about 3 AM after coming home from the delivery thinking: This seems so preventable. By God and by man. Yes. So easy. But neither man nor God prevented this. Man, because he did not know it was happening. God, because he has his wise and loving reasons that we wait to learn with tears and trust."
(to read his whole post, visit: http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/829_felicity_margaret_piper/)